I have always had a struggle with authority. I have matured in how I handle that struggle and in the past it caused me and others much pain. I felt that a question from an authority was a personal attack, a judgment of my ability, of me as a person. When I was younger, anger and judgment were my currency. I did untold damage to relationships, work associates, clients, myself. It was as if I thought a challenge was a complete destruction of me, my position, my thoughts, my ego. In my mid thirties I made a cathartic change in my life and began to follow another path. This transformation required me to deal with my issue with authority. Quickly after my acceptance of this new way my world fell to pieces, I lost my job, almost lost my house, and was on the verge of destroying the one worldly relationship that was safe and empowering. It was as if God had decided to show me in no uncertain terms that I needed to change how I dealt with authority. I slowly, very slowly I started to see how, why, where I needed to change my outlook. Yet there was still a desire pushed deep down where I would rebel against this new expression of me. I still lashed out with anger but it was controlled and not as loud or impassioned. I still pushed people, ideas, traditions just to push. I enjoyed the discomfort I saw in others as I pushed. All this led to a conversation with a dear friend at a conference at a large church.
This friend quietly, slowly, confidently, lovingly told me how others saw me, how they thought of me, how they avoided me. I felt a joy that I had never felt before, an empowerment that released a new vision. The words my friend thought would damage and maybe destroy had transformed. In that quiet conversation I saw who I was, how I was, what I was and I saw that I needed to change. In this gift I was allowed to learn that I was reeking damage and selfishness and pain unto others all in the name of my self proclaimed righteousness. I saw that that was how I had covered my struggle with authority with a lie of what my true motives were, what was my true intent. As the beautiful words spoken by my friend began to take hold a new reality was born, a new understanding of the importance of discipline. Yes, discipline, that word we do not like to hear, to think about, to sit under. I realized that the cure for my authority ailment was discipline, that was the real gift.
You see, we all need to be shaped, cajoled, molded, challenged, transformed by discipline. Words spoken by others that challenge our assumptions, our taken for granteds, our warped image of reality. Discipline is a clarify-er, a cleanser, an awakening. What discipline does is show us a truer self, a leaner self, an empowered self. When we embrace discipline we begin to see, to understand what has been implanted in each of us. This identity we all have needs the gift of discipline to grow, to flourish, to bloom. A life lived embracing discipline is a life lived with passion, with impact, with joy, with influence. Discipline is a key that opens our undiscovered self to a view of a true reality, a true vision, a true life.
This idea of discipline in order to have a transformative impact must be exercised in love, not a love of timid hesitations, but a love of bold, challenging words and actions. The danger of discipline is when it is dispensed with anger, with harshness, with revenge as its genesis. We have all experienced discipline improperly dispensed, improperly crafted. Maybe that is why we see it in as a negative, maybe that is why we rebel against it so easily. Discipline that is born of love, of compassion, of truth is a discipline that empowers, transforms, awakens. Imagine a life where this embodiment of discipline is actively sought, actively desired, actively pursued. A life lived in discipline is a life that changes people, changes families, changes communities, changes worlds. A life of discipline will allow a freedom, a creativity, a benefit that one lived without it cannot. A life without discipline is destined for chaos, self service, and pain. When we actively seek to sit under discipline we discover a self that is empowered to impact, to create, to challenge, to love. Seeing discipline as a gift will empower us to be all we can be, all we are meant to be, to live out our true self.